A parental psychology expert has revealed the signs that show that you were raised by a 'peacock parent.'
Trauma coach and British psychotherapist Kathleen Saxton was one of the first to coin the term when she published her book My Parent the Peacock: Discovery and Recovery from Narcissistic Parenting, which covered a parenting style in which fathers, mothers and guardians are consumed with being perceived as exceptional and requiring praise for how they raise their children.
The Mirror reports how the term 'peacock parent' refers to caregivers who insist on being in control and perfectionism, leading to the expectation on their children to maintain a flawless image by academic achievements or aesthetic perfection.
Candice Tamara, who is an expert in trauma and social media mindsets, has since shared four signs that indicate you may have been raised by a narcissistic parent or might even be a 'peacock parent' yourself.
Candice's TikTok post has been viewed more than four million times and has sparked quite the conversation online.
Refusing to take responsibility
According to Candice, one of the clearest indications of a 'peacock parent' is that they refuse to take responsibility for their actions. "Saying sorry will be really difficult for them and will not feel genuine," she explained.
Expounding on the concept of perfectionism, therapist Sharon Martin said that: "Some people think they’re superior to others and therefore are entitled to do what they want without bearing the consequences. Often, this is an unconscious attempt to overcompensate for self-doubt, low self-esteem, or insecurity."
She also noted that people who expect themselves to be perfect or have impossibly high standards may also have trouble acknowledging their mistakes and shortcomings.
It is recommended that instead of going in circles with the same argument if someone won't accept responsibility, it's better to change the approach and while you don't necessarily need to accept culpability, you can communicate your feelings by explaining your stance instead of pointing the blame at the other.
Gaslighting
'Gaslighting' is a term that most people associate with the dating realm, referring to when one person creates a narrative that results in another to question their sanity, memory or perception of reality.
Candice explained: "If you go to them to explain how they may have made you feel, they will make you feel that you are wrong and the perception was wrong or that you are too sensitive."
Explaining the concept of 'gaslighting', Psychology Today added: "Over time, a gaslighter's manipulations can grow more complex and potent, making it increasingly difficult for the victim to see the truth."
Boundaries not being respected
Another sign of narcissistic parenting is when fathers, mothers and guardians clearly do not respect their children's boundaries, which points to an obvious communication issue.
Charlie Health, a mental health treatment provider, says you should reinstate your boundaries to narcissistic parents. If they continuously forget or choose to disregard your wishes, it may be helpful to set consequences if they cross that boundary.
The website states: "Boundaries are not about rebelling or disrespecting your parents. Instead, they’re an opportunity for family members to learn how to recognise, respect, and understand each other's differences.
"Refrain from labelling someone as a toxic parent or calling out a dysfunctional family member, and instead, focus on how these new boundaries will benefit you and your relationship with your parents."
Feeling entitled to your time
Lastly, 'peacock parents' may have a tendency to show that they feel they are entitled to the time and energy of their kids, particularly when the kids grow up.
As narcissistic parents grow older, they may feel that adult children should be prioritising their happiness because the reverse was the case when the child was younger. Thus, they may feel that they are owed both time and attention.
Candice explained: "They will feel jealous when you are with other people or you are building a nice happy relationship with other people, they will feel that jealousy."
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